Ephemera

Friday, May 26, 2006

make money without doing anything

this is the dream: I sit around playing guitar, drinking beer, fishing, whatever and every once in a while check a private web page where I monitor the amount of revenue and profit I'm making with various companies. The indicators would be little speed dials indicating profit per hour for our operations. If profit dipped below a couple hundred thousand an hour, I might actually have to call someone, otherwise, I'd just sit around making found art sculptures, pick my nose, eat a taco. Perfect.

Then I'd make even more by showing other people how to make money without doing anything.

Monday, May 22, 2006

Coincidence

I have lots of odd Jungian synchronicities in my life. For instance, just after publishing the preceding post, I went to Fat-Pie to see if there was anything new. Wonder of wonders, Firth's latest offering was an anthropomorphic rendering of the pooping process. It was absolutely hysterical. You can see it here: http://www.fat-pie.com/menfromupthestairs.htm

I'd write more, but I think I have to crap.

Seriously. I'm not joking.

Poop

The human body is amazing and mysterious. Every so often, I am startled by the volume of excreta I produce: snot, semen, poop, pee, sweat, saliva, ear wax. It's like my body is trying to set records in all areas.
But crap seems to be its specialty. Normally, I'm as steady as a clock. I have my morning dump, during which I usually scan the headlines of The Oregonian. In the afternoon, I usually shit while pondering some statement of Lao Tzu. (I have the Tao Te Ching on my Treo for this sort of thing.) I'm a twice a day crapper.
Saturday was a four crap day. I think yesterday was three. This morning, I was amazed to see that I had produced something much akin to Mt. Hood. I actually felt lighter, like maybe I'm actually under two hundred pounds now.
Where is this stuff coming from? Obviously, I know where the two craps a day come from. I'm wondering where all the extra poo comes from. As I've gotten older, I don't need to eat as much. I don't eat tons of salads or high bulk food. If my four crap days came after a big holiday like Thanksgiving or something, it would make sense.

Tuesday, May 16, 2006

Evil Woodpecker

Evil Woodpecker: "Data management is everything. Think about it: the speed with which you can get data from your vendors and the speed with which you can get your information into potential customer's hands is predicated on how you store and manage your information. The way you organize your information for customers and vendors is predicated on your intelligence. If you organize your thoughts efficiently, you will probably find better reception."

This would be the Evil Woodpecker at Myspace.