Couldn't sleep again, so I got up, popped fifty milligrams of Benadryl, then got on the computer to wait for it to kick in. Meanwhile, Nick's up from his side of the house.
"What are you doing up?" I ask.
"Came over to get some Benadryl. Why are you up?"
"Same."
My doctor frowns on using the big B as a sleep remedy. Says it suppresses histaminic function of the brain which is necessary for various things. I told him I suspected it disturbed the REM cycle of sleep, pushed more of it back toward morning. I dream like a bastard in the early morning.
Well. Maybe. I'll. Try. Sleepingnow.
Monday, March 28, 2005
Friday, March 25, 2005
The Symbol That Represents Itself
For some reason, I am thinking tonight of a dream I had several years ago.
This was a very vivid dream. I was with a group of people, and we were racing around this island, trying to get away from people who were chasing us. At the same time, we were hunting for signs or artifacts that would guide us on a quest. The people chasing us were trying to prevent us from finding whatever it was we were looking for. At one point, we had to slip through barbed wire, following a narrow path through the underbrush down a steep slope. We emerged from the dark undergrowth at the foot of a tall cliff by the sea. There was a large cavern under the cliff. Before us in the waves there stood a stone monument of some kind. As I gazed at the object that had just... appeared... somehow, I heard in my mind: "It and the image of itself are one."
In this dream, it was possible for a symbol of something and the thing-in-itself to be the same thing. It was this symbol, this marker we had been seeking, because everything started to change when we found it.
After this, I started to wake up, but just before I did, I recall being convinced that I had seen something that hinted at reality's purpose.
We understand that in literature and film, symbols may be used to represent other things. Upon awakening, it seemed possible to me that elements of reality itself could be attempts to convey meaning. Crazy as it sounds, I became half-convinced that parts of "objective reality" are really attempts of our own consciousness to understand something, to tell a story.
There could be certain place-markers in reality where the symbol refers to its own action. There could be elements of existence where the informational image is also an operational image. If this seems a bit murky, think of the DNA in the center of each of your cells. This DNA contains a complete informational image of you in entirety. Yet this DNA is also an operational image in that it also controls cellular function at a molecular level, prompting the production of proteins, the oxidation of sugar, etc.
It seems more likely that our consciousness has a selectivity principle at work whereby we happen to notice things in the external world that might function as symbol. For instance, on a day when I am goofing off, I might notice the bees working in the flowers, and be made aware of the difference between their diligent efforts and my own laziness.
Yet I still remember the powerful feeling I had at the end of that dream, when I realized that the symbol and the signified were one. I'm still searching for the symbol that represents itself. For some reason, it reminds me of what God said when somebody asked him for his name.
"I am that I am."
Many have translated this as "I am what I am." I think this is wrong. I think the first has a finer shade of meaning. There is an implication of necessity by using the word "that". In other words, God says something like this: "My being is so good that it recognizes how beneficial it is that it should exist for itself and for all, and thus it self-wills its goodness out of its own goodness."
Sounds like eternal, uncreated being to me.
Our being is in time, and thus subject to change and dissolution. That is the internal logic of this dream.
It is interesting to imagine characters in a dream asking questions of the dreamer.
Who are you? What are you? Why don't you answer me when I pray to you? Where are you? Do you even exist? Why do you let bad things happen? What happens when we die?
Aren't the creator and the created being necessarily linked? What happens when the character figures out that he's in a dream? What new possibilities arise?
Doesn't he have a new type of agency?
This was a very vivid dream. I was with a group of people, and we were racing around this island, trying to get away from people who were chasing us. At the same time, we were hunting for signs or artifacts that would guide us on a quest. The people chasing us were trying to prevent us from finding whatever it was we were looking for. At one point, we had to slip through barbed wire, following a narrow path through the underbrush down a steep slope. We emerged from the dark undergrowth at the foot of a tall cliff by the sea. There was a large cavern under the cliff. Before us in the waves there stood a stone monument of some kind. As I gazed at the object that had just... appeared... somehow, I heard in my mind: "It and the image of itself are one."
In this dream, it was possible for a symbol of something and the thing-in-itself to be the same thing. It was this symbol, this marker we had been seeking, because everything started to change when we found it.
After this, I started to wake up, but just before I did, I recall being convinced that I had seen something that hinted at reality's purpose.
We understand that in literature and film, symbols may be used to represent other things. Upon awakening, it seemed possible to me that elements of reality itself could be attempts to convey meaning. Crazy as it sounds, I became half-convinced that parts of "objective reality" are really attempts of our own consciousness to understand something, to tell a story.
There could be certain place-markers in reality where the symbol refers to its own action. There could be elements of existence where the informational image is also an operational image. If this seems a bit murky, think of the DNA in the center of each of your cells. This DNA contains a complete informational image of you in entirety. Yet this DNA is also an operational image in that it also controls cellular function at a molecular level, prompting the production of proteins, the oxidation of sugar, etc.
It seems more likely that our consciousness has a selectivity principle at work whereby we happen to notice things in the external world that might function as symbol. For instance, on a day when I am goofing off, I might notice the bees working in the flowers, and be made aware of the difference between their diligent efforts and my own laziness.
Yet I still remember the powerful feeling I had at the end of that dream, when I realized that the symbol and the signified were one. I'm still searching for the symbol that represents itself. For some reason, it reminds me of what God said when somebody asked him for his name.
"I am that I am."
Many have translated this as "I am what I am." I think this is wrong. I think the first has a finer shade of meaning. There is an implication of necessity by using the word "that". In other words, God says something like this: "My being is so good that it recognizes how beneficial it is that it should exist for itself and for all, and thus it self-wills its goodness out of its own goodness."
Sounds like eternal, uncreated being to me.
Our being is in time, and thus subject to change and dissolution. That is the internal logic of this dream.
It is interesting to imagine characters in a dream asking questions of the dreamer.
Who are you? What are you? Why don't you answer me when I pray to you? Where are you? Do you even exist? Why do you let bad things happen? What happens when we die?
Aren't the creator and the created being necessarily linked? What happens when the character figures out that he's in a dream? What new possibilities arise?
Doesn't he have a new type of agency?
Thursday, March 24, 2005
Tuesday, March 22, 2005
The Dimensions of Time
I've been thinking a lot about the possibility of a topography of time. How could one map the various gradients caused by massive bodies and acceleration? (The time dilation effect.) Going from macroscopic to microscopic, what would time look like at the smallest of scales, i.e., Planck time and Planck space? Is time's uni-directional quality preserved at these scales?
How does one account for apparent synchronicity (action at a distance) in experiments with entangled photon pairs? These seem to imply a communication of state that violates the universal speed limit of C.
Was time created as the result of an instability that existed prior to the Big Bang?
If time had a beginning, does it also have an end?
Since our awareness of time depends on memory, no discussion of time's topography would be complete without taking into account this fundamental element of mind. As a neighbor of mine once remarked, "The years fly, and a minute drags." An excellent book that deals with this is Proust's Remembrance of Time Past.
In addition to Proust's literary exploration of time and memory, it might also be interesting to have an overview of the current neurological models of human memory and theories regarding human awareness of time.
How does one account for apparent synchronicity (action at a distance) in experiments with entangled photon pairs? These seem to imply a communication of state that violates the universal speed limit of C.
Was time created as the result of an instability that existed prior to the Big Bang?
If time had a beginning, does it also have an end?
Since our awareness of time depends on memory, no discussion of time's topography would be complete without taking into account this fundamental element of mind. As a neighbor of mine once remarked, "The years fly, and a minute drags." An excellent book that deals with this is Proust's Remembrance of Time Past.
In addition to Proust's literary exploration of time and memory, it might also be interesting to have an overview of the current neurological models of human memory and theories regarding human awareness of time.
Sunday, March 20, 2005
Friday, March 18, 2005
Telegraph | News | Scientists to make 'Stuart Little' mouse with the brain of a human
Telegraph | News | Scientists to make 'Stuart Little' mouse with the brain of a human: "It will look like any ordinary mouse, but for America's scientists a tiny animal threatens to ignite a profound ethical dilemma." They must have been reading my post about attaching ant heads to giant robots.
Thursday, March 17, 2005
River Ruins
I had to go to the bank to make a deposit, so on the way home, I stopped at Kellogg Creek Park. I took a picture of some old massive steel embedded in a big block of concrete. The painted tops of the retaining wall by the river looked interesting to me as well.
I also stopped by another park on the way home, Villa-something-or-other park. I wanted to check out the big railroad bridge over the Willamette. There was some talk a while back of using this bridge for a pedestrian crossing from Milwaukie to Lake Oswego. After checking out the state of the concrete pylons, I can see why the railroad was not eager to embrace this idea. (Their official response was that they were concerned about the safety of pedestrians.) My hunch is that the additional structures necessary to attach a pedestrian walkway to the bridge might be more than the old bridge can handle.
I'll bet the people building the river-front homes in Lake Oswego aren't too interested in having the old train trestle turned into a pedestrian bridge.
I think it would be cool to have the old railroad bridge adapted so pedestrians and bicylists can cut across the river to Lake Oswego, but I'm not going to hold my breath.
I also stopped by another park on the way home, Villa-something-or-other park. I wanted to check out the big railroad bridge over the Willamette. There was some talk a while back of using this bridge for a pedestrian crossing from Milwaukie to Lake Oswego. After checking out the state of the concrete pylons, I can see why the railroad was not eager to embrace this idea. (Their official response was that they were concerned about the safety of pedestrians.) My hunch is that the additional structures necessary to attach a pedestrian walkway to the bridge might be more than the old bridge can handle.
I'll bet the people building the river-front homes in Lake Oswego aren't too interested in having the old train trestle turned into a pedestrian bridge.
I think it would be cool to have the old railroad bridge adapted so pedestrians and bicylists can cut across the river to Lake Oswego, but I'm not going to hold my breath.
Wednesday, March 16, 2005
Tuesday, March 15, 2005
Thieving Weasel
Pilar took the last of the Claritin with her to Cleveland. Sounds like a country music song, "My wife broke my heart, and then she stole my allergy pills." Then again, maybe not. I could go to Fred Meyer and buy some more, but I don't think I will. Nick had a solo last night at the "Spring Sing" at Rex Putnam, but, like an idiot, I forgot my camera.
Saturday, March 12, 2005
Oregon is the New California
Let us praise Jesus or whoever is responsible for this weather. Pics are from bike ride Hunter and I took today. Sellwood Park & the Willamette River. Pics from Friday are from a long ride I took Friday afternoon.
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